Fact!: Border Guards Successfully Foil Vacation Attempt
In an act that many Americans are heralding as a triumph of national security, border guards in Rooseveltown, NY have successfully thwarted a Cornwall family’s attempt to vacation in nearby Massena, NY. Border patrol officer Matthew Clayton, a fifteen year veteran of the U.S. Department of Customs, denied Luc Drennan and his family entry into the United States last week because he “didn’t like their faces”.
In a medal ceremony held earlier today in Massena, Officer Clayton was lauded by his colleagues and superiors for his textbook use of the Patriot Act’s “Face Clause”. The clause, which many have criticized for it’s absence coherence and logic, gives border guards the “authority to deny entry to any visitor who has an ill-tempered look about them”.
Until this incident, no official record existed of the clause being used to block a visitor’s entry into the United States. This is most likely due to the relative obscurity of the clause and it’s continuous misinterpretation as pure and utter fabrication.
Prior to being denied entry last week the Drennans had visited Massena, where Mr. Drennan’s mother resides, on 14 separate occasions in the last year alone. A frustrated Mr. Drennan was reached for comment from his home in Cornwall, “This has certainly cast a dark shadow on me and my family. The integrity of my face, and those of my family, has been forever compromised.”
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